So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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