youre lurking in front of me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
