I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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