she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
