yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
