you win again, gameday.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
