My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize