i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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