I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
