so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
