The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
