Do you still have your period?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
