he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
