My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize