the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
