We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
