Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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