Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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