New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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