Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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