I looked at my own cervix.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
