I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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