I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
