He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
