On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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