Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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