Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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