Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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