They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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