Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
