Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
