the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
