Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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