I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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