two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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