she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
