oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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