Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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