i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
