Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
