Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
