New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
