I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
