worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
