he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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