omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
