i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
