thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
