I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
