i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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