I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
