This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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