A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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