My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize