did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
