Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
