Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize