Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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