i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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