he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
