like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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