im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
