naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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