There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
