These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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