Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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