i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You pole danced in your parka.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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