She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't turn off my feet"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
