I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize