So drunk its hurt
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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