dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Someone came in the potted fern
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
